Status

A Few More Lines – taken and written

A few more lines taken, and now a few more written?

“I’ve got flower and powder. Both are fire”, he says.

“O.K, I’ll take the latter. I have a bill for you”.

And that was that. He showed up, we sat on my porch. He smoked a blunt while I rocked in my chair. This is the second time I’ve seen him, after meeting my new “him”. It doesn’t matter to me anymore if he knows. He tries a few of his manipulative lines.

“So, I bet you two will have fun tonight” he probes, trying to get confirmation of my solidarity or guilt. Who knows.

He looks so much different now. Both to the human eye, but more importantly through my eyes. He’s lost so much weight as a vegetarian . Always maintaining his sculptured build that he was blessed with, but he must be less than 140 pounds now. He’s grown out his thick black hair, and let his beard take over, what I know to be a baby face, underneath. He’s always well dressed in his Miami inspired attire, but he has white beaters on. No limited addition, stand in line for 3 hours, prestine “kicks”.

He spends time looking down at his phone, and I stare at him. There will always be that faint attraction. The nostalgia of when we were partners in crime. Living a crazy life of making money, exploring and critiquing every restaurant and bar, then coming home to indulge in other things. Painful, but pleasureful things. Most of which I don’t remember. . .

He looks up, and I’m already back to rocking in my chair.

 

Status

February 6th, 2016

I like the challenge. I want to figure him out and I can’t. Maybe it’s the mystery, maybe it’s the need for validation.
Perhaps in some fucked up way it’s revengeful?
Never before have I been so lost in my own convictions.

Cont. .

Two can play at this game
I get the right to privacy. So sure, have your right to keep presents, or be giving money to so and so that you don’t want your significant other to know about or porn. Or whatever

But there is no communication with someone else in which that relationship needs to be private from someone who you have made a vow with.

Status

January 27th, 2015

I just feel like we are on two different planets. In my world, I am attempting to challenge myself with new things while maintaining my academic performance. I’m learning to manage people, overcome my weaknesses, assess others motivations and skills, and do my best to serve a greater cause.

Then we get on the phone and I’m the one trying to find questions to ask you about your day.

Food, ears, court.

Sometimes I wish you would ask me about what I’m doing, and how I am handling all these new responsibilities. Sometimes I wish you were genuinely curious about how my mind works, and would give me support and feedback. Instead I feel your questions are often motivated by a different agenda: appeasing your insecurities and looking for faults.

But sometimes… I’m glad you don’t bother asking, because I know I wouldn’t like your reaction anyways. So, it’ll just have to stick to me struggling to find ways to connect.

Food, ears, court.

Just two completely different worlds.